Leave the ego at the door

I definitely have one.  An ego, that is.  Sometimes, it is too large to fit through the door.  Of course, time and life frequently shrink it down to a more manageable size.  When I finally decided to get serious about my writing, thanks to the encouragement of a wonderful friend and the realization that I could not continue my life not writing and not acknowledging my need to write, I realized my ego had to be checked at the door.

The value of the written word is really in the mind of the reader.  Not everyone is going to like what I write.  Heck!  Sometimes I don't even like something I have written, so why should someone else?  What it comes down to is if I like something I have written and feel it is worthy to share, I will do so.  If the reader or the publisher does not like it, that is really OK.  But, it does not mean that I should give up, quit writing or only write for myself.  I DO write for myself.  I write something I think I would like to read.  When I write, if I don't care about my characters (love or hate them), my readers will not care about them either.  If I don't like what I have written, why should I expect anyone else to do so?

Ego is great, but when it comes down to it, fear of a blow to my ego stopped me from stepping out.  It stopped me from sharing my writing and because I was not willing to share it, gave me no motivation to continue writing.  This year, I finally decided that whatever blows come my way, it was not worth denying the part of myself that needs to write.  Now I write.  Now I share what I write.  I committed myself to it and have been pleasantly surprised that while I may never write 'The Great American Novel', some readers like what I write and I do too.  It's a shame that the fear of a bruised ego kept my keyboard silent for so long.  But, ...  NEVERMORE.  ;-)

Ideas from the oddest places

More so than other years, this October seems more haunting.  Perhaps it is because I am beginning to believe that we are being haunted by my Mother-in-law.  Perhaps it is because the weather has been darker and more threatening this year.  I don't know.  It simply does.

Why do I think we are being haunted by my MIL?  The ceiling fan.  It keeps coming on at odd times.  It's not the cats stepping on the remote.  It's not the other remotes in our home.   So, what else could it be?  She is the most recently passed family member, having passed this February.  My first time alone in an empty house with a dead body was the day I discovered her.  Still kind of freaks me out when I think about it.  It's certain the ONLY time I have touched a dead body.  I know some folks reach out and touch or kiss their loved ones as they lie in their coffins.  I can't do it.  I mean, what if they reach back?

Anyway, I am seriously digressing.  I just know that story ideas keep coming to me this month.  It might have been that a request for short story submissions by Dark Autumn Media and accepting the gauntlet I threw down for myself to write a story has opened the flood gate of my imagination.  I don't know.  I just know that every where I turn, if I let myself dwell on something an idea pops into my head. 

I am not complaining.  This is good!  This is great!  To be a writer, one must write.  And, finally, instead of simply dabbling at the art form, dipping a toe into the waters, I AM writing.  I've jumped into the deep end.  And, I am finding that despite the murkiness of the water and the knowledge that a cold hand will surely reach up from those depths to grab my ankle and pull me under, that it isn't so bad.

The latest idea?  It came while grocery shopping...one day, I will let you know where it leads. :-)

PS - Sure, sure, the cynics will say that there is a 'logical' explanation for the ceiling fan...radio interference, a remote being used by neighbors on the same frequency...so boring bosh like that.  Me, I choose NOT to look for the logical.  It's my MIL, plain and simple.  ;-)